Unsteady Ground

Life changes. I mean, we all know this - right? Things can never stay the same forever. Children grow up. We grow older. Jobs change. Relationships fluctuate. Friends fade away. Loved ones pass away.

It's when everything happens at once that it gets harder.

In my younger years, just after I was of age to legally enter a bar, my cousin and I went out one night. We both had our first daughters at home but we took an evening every so often to get away for a little while. On this particular night, we weren't carded. In the car later, going home, we pondered this. Did we look old? No, that wasn't it. But we did act differently from others our age who had yet to get married or have children. Through the discussion we came to a conclusion.

It wasn't our appearance that labeled us older. It was that the younger ones still believed they controlled their lives. Us, at that point, we had learned that we didn't control a thing other than our reactions to the runaway train life really was. It was all about our attitude. And by 21, we had both been disillusioned to the fantasy that we controlled anything other than ourselves.

I've never lost that lesson. But I had come to believe in a certain safety - that things had a way of not coming faster than someone could handle. Recently, I've been disillusioned to that belief as well.

At certain times in life, things will lash at you. They will lash and lash until you are a mental bloody heap on the ground of life, begging for mercy, for it all to stop and let you catch your breath. And just when you think you can catch your breath, you'll get sucker punched again.

The key is to keep going, to pick yourself up and trudge on....

As the saying goes - What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Stray strong out there.

Tis the Season

The holidays have always been a special time for me and my family. From the time I was a little girl, Christmas was a season where everyone packed into the same house - aunts, uncles, cousins at Grandma and Pap's house.

My memories of Christmas are of delicious food, rounds of laughter, and of watching how happy my grandparents were with giving to us grandchildren. As a kid, I suppose I never considered how lucky I was to be at two houses each holiday full of family, laughter, and love. I also never thought about how it would all eventually change.

It's been a slow metamorphosis, drifting away from the holiday at my grandparents house to being holidays at my parents' and my husbands'. As my oldest daughter now starts her own life, I realize things will soon be changing yet again.

Despite the changes, there are things I hold onto or do that began with my grandparents, and possibly with my great grandparents. The most elaborate is the village I do under my tree. While a lot of people, my childhood friends included, put their gifts "under" the tree, we always put ours "around" the tree. The reason is the full winter village that began with my grandmother making one gingerbread house for under one of her first trees. She told me once that her kids (my mother and aunts and uncles) liked it so much she continued to add to it each year. The houses changed to styrofoam structures that could be reused with small plastic people on tiny plastic stands, then to balsam wood with full figures of people. Mine is a village of balsam wood buildings I made from designs I came up with myself.

There has been a year or two where I considered not putting the many hours it takes into building my village but I heard quite loudly "you have to do the village" from at least one of my kids.

Then there's the sugar cookies that we can only make with certain cookie cutters that can no longer be purchased, so I have to borrow my mom's each year. The stockings and Santas are a must, but also a lot of work, first to get them shaped just right, baked, then painted with colored egg white then quickly covered with colored sugar and tapped to shake loose the excess. The stockings have three different colors - red, green, and gold.

And then there is Christmas supper (yes, here we call the evening meal "supper"). It's not ham or turkey - not those alone anyway. My dad's mother always did her "pigs" - pigs in the blanket. That's what we always called them - porcupine meatballs (meatballs with rice) wrapped in cabbage and cooked in a sauce that was mm'mmm just delicious. She always had a bit of vinegar sitting next to the stove in a fancy little flask easy to pour just a dash from. That crystal flask now sits on my kitchen windowsill, a treasure I will remember for always as being a part of Christmas.

This holiday I remember with great joy the smiles of my grandparents, of the parent and friends my husband and I have lost, and take in the new memories, passing on the simple joys of being with family and carrying on traditions.

For us, it's not about the gifts, but of the family and friends and fun we have together, not just on Christmas day, but through the entire season. I will miss those who are gone, and those who choose not to visit this year, but I'm very thankful for the new friends, and all my family.

Merry Christmas everyone! Make this season a good one.

Getting through

For all of us, there are times when life insists on being difficult. There's rarely anything we can do to avoid it or any secret recipe for getting through the rough stuff. The key to persevering is how you pick yourself up after the beating.

I've had my share of difficult, possibly more than my share. Some have left what feels like a dark mark on my soul and some have left me feeling stronger. All have taught me much.

Whatever life throws at you, just be sure you plow on through, reach for the future, keep your eye on family, friends, and small personal goals that can be as small as sweeping the floor one day and laundry the next. And remember that nothing stays rotten forever even if it feels like it will at the time.

After a few rough weeks here, I'm finally able to let my characters speak again. Even wrote a few hundred words last night. Starting small, and getting back into the groove...

That's interesting.

I've always loved the quote "Writing is the socially acceptable form of schizophrenia" from E.L. Doctorow. Considering I have several voices in my head at any one time telling me their stories, that quote fits quite nicely.

Tonight I've been informed that I also have CDD. I was wrong in my first assumption of what "CDD" meant, to which my daughter was quick to clarify. I apparently have "Character Divergence Disorder."

Okay, that certainly fits too. But I didn't earn this label until said daughter poked her head above my screen as I typed saying "oh no you didn't.... Nooooo..." and proceeded to tell me how bad I was for writing the beginning few paragraphs of a story that has been growing in my head for weeks while I've been trying to write Retribution - the seventh book of my Disillusionment Series.

Trust me, no one wants that seventh book written more than I do. But Aliski and Egan keep butting in to the point where ignoring them is nearly painful. My dilemma was made worse - ironically - by my daughter who took it upon herself days ago to describe a cartoon scene with me sitting at a desk, all the characters (seven of them and possibly one old half-blind dragon) from Retribution huddled together in a far corner, and Aliski with her vicious pet fisher standing in front of the desk giving them the evil eye. Nothing like giving bad-attitude antagonistic Aliski even more power. (A character whose name may continue to change considering she started out "Kaliska.") So this problem I have was reinforced by my wonderful daughter who has now labeled me CDD.

That's how it goes for me. To be honest, I'm surprised I've gotten through the first six books of the series before anyone else poked their head up from the mass of ideas always whirling through my mind. When Aliski did, it was to show me she had a very different kind of story than my usual. One that is looking to be an interesting one to do.

So which book will I work on tonight - that is to be determined by which characters yell the loudest.

When a Writer Gets Bored

My house is a funny place on weekend evenings. It's usually full of teenagers and a friend or two. My girls aren't typically aching to run out anywhere but are happy to stay home. For years, Friday and Saturday nights were good writing nights for me too - with one exception. The muse isn't all that thrilled to come out and play when I'm trying to force it to stick to something it doesn't want to do.

So here I am, the most entertaining thing on television being my girls playing Resident Evil 5 on the XBox (I mean that sincerely - they are entertaining to watch) - this after we cleaned and took care of some typical household things. When I watched my eleven-year-old dust happily away on the entertainment stand this morning, it felt good to know she actually enjoys shining up glass candle holders and polishing wood. We work as a good team in this house. A good thing or I wouldn't be able to accomplish half of what I do. But anyway, back to the subject...

I sit down with the intention of getting to work on my book. My muse is not happy with me though. It has taken off to create a book that was suppose to stay in the background until Retribution: Disillusionment Book Seven is complete, finishing the series. But my muse is telling me it's bored with the series and doesn't care that readers would be very unhappy if I don't finish it quickly.

So as I sit here Saturday night trying to occupy myself, my mind is at war. I have Retribution open, but there is no enthusiasm driving me to write it. I feel sad about that because I do love the characters. I'm just ready to move on to a different kind of story, one that doesn't appear to be quite so light and the plot looks to be a much more complicated weaving of character threads than Retribution.

Only time will tell which story will win out this evening or if I'll give up and go find something else to do...

All About Perception

We're preparing for our third annual Halloween party this year. We decided to move it forward in the month of October for a few reasons, the biggest being the weather. See, along with the party, we do a trail through the patches of woods on our acre and a half of property. It's not much, but with the trees and the paths we have, it leaves lots of options for some creepy little set-ups. Of course we have our graveyard. And we have our boneyard. We also have an infestation of spiders and madmen this year.

It's gotten bigger and more extravagant every year. This year more so than others because I've been working on ideas for it for months and I plan to be working on what I don't have time to finish for this years' party for next years'.

When I first started writing and my books were full of ghosts and psychos, people who knew me were a bit confused. Those closest to me of course weren't confused in the least, but so many saw me as a person who would like and write kids' books or romances. I like kids' books all right, read many to my girls over the years, but I could never write one. I like the darker, scarier sides of storytelling, even while writing my fantasy novels.

I had one reader ask me why I wrote things so dark. Dark - that word can mean so many different things, and after the conversation, I had to wonder if the reader missed the message of the story. Yes, the characters were subjected to some terribly scary things, but in the end, they prevailed. So is that really a dark story or is it a story of hope that any obstacle can be tackled, real or supernatural? I guess it's all in how you look at it.

So here's to all of us who like the spooks and monsters of the fall season but who look to the brighter side of things all the same.

Some days

I'm an optimistic kind of person. I mean really, I'm lucky enough to have several worlds to run to if one or the other isn't cooperating. During the school year it was never much of a problem. While the house is empty of everyone but me, I work. I consider work the jobs I do for other authors, the dealings with bookstores and distributors, the non-creative part of my career. The problem lately is that I'm never totally alone.

I'm hoping it won't take long to adjust because I have quite a few people who are not going to be happy with me if I can't get my mind on work to get it done in the quieter hours and start "work" on my own books.

I have a little difficulty calling my writing, revising, and art "work." It is - I have to treat it as such or else it never gets done because I'll be forever bugged by people who only leave me alone when I'm "working." And if I can't unload the bundles of ideas my characters heap on me daily, it's not pretty by the end of a week. Still, writing my own books, doing art that brings to life the images in my mind - it's fun. No, not all aspects of my chosen profession are fun. It gets tiring to constantly prove your quality of work to stores and readers. It gets tiring fixing database glitches in places that should be watching their own dealings.

Just the same, I still have days when nothing clicks, where my brain won't focus on writing, revising, editing, database listings, emails, or even reading for research. It's not anything so fancy to need a name like writer's block because it never lasts too long. This is one of those days. So, it's best just to move away from the desk and dive into something purely physical - you know, cleaning house, gardening, monster building (I'll save that explanation for another day) the kind of things that let my mind rest and reboot. At least I hope so.

Fresh starts

I've not done well at keeping up with this blog, despite my best intentions. I hope to be able to change that soon, and go back to what I meant to accomplish here - blogging about my wild imagination.

I recently finished the sixth book of my seven book series. I have to admit it was one of the most entertaining to create. It all started in the front seat of my Chevy Impala on the back of a receipt with a pen dug out of my 16 year old daughter's purse while we waited for my oldest to accompany her boyfriend out of the dentist's office. It was the first time I was ever thankful for our ridiculously long grocery store receipts.

I'm sure every person who passed my car along the side of the small street that day thought for sure it was filled with two crazies. After ransacking everything in the car to find something to permanentize our thoughts (resulting in finding the old grocery receipt) we laughed, we mimicked what each character would say to the others, and had the ages, personalities, and purposes for seven new characters.

I came home and jotted it all down in the tablet I had for the Disillusionment Series. But I kept the receipt too, despite the fact that if I looked at it now, I couldn't make sense of the scratching and scrambling scrawls of ink. I still won't part with it, just in case I might, at some point, need something on it again.

And while I'm writing this, I'm reminded that, while I have managed to stock my own purse with several writing utensils, I have yet to throw a few tablets into my car. I'm an odd writer that way, I suppose, but usually when an idea hits, it bubbles and grows happily in the back of my mind until I sit down at my laptop. The day Descended was begun was unique because my daughter and I both needed something to occupy ourselves. And while I could remember what I came up with, I wouldn't so easily hold onto my daughter's input.

And now my only chore is writing Retribution. The characters my daughter and I created that day outside the dentist's office star in it as well and help me bring the series I've worked on for several years to a conclusion I hope will continue to please the readers who have loved the first three in the series.

Another summer gone by

The summer days are at an end. Today was the last of the coveted official summer days off from school. Monday starts the crazy school schedule. I know I might be one strange mom, but I'm not looking forward to it at all. To start, I'll need to set aside time to sign the dozens of forms for one thing or another for each kid (one less this year than last) then hours for making sure everything that needs to be done for homework and chores is taken care of. Some days I find that harder and more stressful than when we are all home. I guess that's a sure indication that I like my family, and that my family does not consist of any very young children because a few years ago, I wasn't saying quite the same thing. Strangely enough, my teens aren't scary.

It would be nice to have just another month to do all we wanted to do. This summer wasn't kind in a few areas which left us wanting to do anything but take a trip for fun. It was good for life lessons, I suppose, ones I have learned before and didn't need a refresher course on. I'm very thankful for my girls and husband, and also thankful for my tenacity and ability to weather the storms, no matter how vicious they become. I can only hope I'll recover as a better, stronger, and smarter person from it all.

As the house goes quiet after the yellow bus comes Monday morning, I will set to work with Star Publish to get a few jobs finished that I couldn't focus on this week. I will also be refocusing on my writing and continuing on with the Disillusionment Series. Starlight and Judgment is just released and I'm working on the fourth book, The Freedom Wars. I hope to soon be meeting more readers soon and introducing them to the worlds in my mind. And just for some extra fun, I'm continuing on with a two year course to better my art skills.

Bored is not a word we say often in my house. "If it's not one thing, it's another" is more like it :)

In the deep of night...

As I sit here with my Macbook in a completely dark room after midnight with my current WIP (work in progress) opened and written up to page 122, I can't help but hope everyone I'm thinking about is all right. Life is such a finicky thing especially mixed with the raging rapids of human emotions - or as my goddess character calls it, our human "condition." Age and experience has tempered me greatly over the last thirty some years, though not completely.

Some things still stir my blood into a frenzy, things like watching people in power make ridiculous decisions so obviously not with the good of the people in mind is one. People who judge others is another. But even those two things don't get a lot of my attention anymore. Life is too short to spend it fired up over things I can not change. Those I can change, I will do when the time is right and let it go. Yet, as I watch those who are younger than I am now coming into their own, I can see so very clearly the patterns in behavior, what will come and go. What can't be guessed is the choices each of my loved ones will make. All I can do is sit on the edge of my seat and hope for the best outcome for everyone.

Is that maybe why I give my characters full reign to do as they please without outline, allowing them to drive the plot often to surprise twists even I don't see coming? It's the thrill of not knowing, but hoping for the best. With my characters, I can steer them to whatever decision I want them to make - for the most part. In real life, I will voice my opinions if asked, but keep them to myself if I'm not. Free will is not something to be manipulated by a woman in a mere human condition, after all. So I'll stick to writing my stories and hoping for the best.

Mother Nature seems to have dumped summer on us yet again. The warm temperatures wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't days removed from days that were downright cold. Which makes me wonder just how flexible we humans are.

But, as we plan our first weekend away of the summer, I'm glad to see temperatures should be pleasant and not too extreme either way. We can only hope rain of any big amount will also stay away. And I hope my muse will bug me while I actually have the opportunity to let it and write on my current WIP (work in progress) Descended, the sixth book of my Disillusionment series.

I have to say this book has been fun to create. I've been told that the older I get, the more lighthearted my books are becoming. I suppose that is not all bad as fun books are, well, fun.

I can handle that :)

Are you laughing at “Global Warming?”

I remember many a time, laughing at the experts for shouting “Global Warming” when the summer or some winter was colder than usual. But after hearing about it enough, my muse got hold of it and ran with it. From 2005 to 2007, I researched the topic of global warming for my Rise of the Arcadians, published in 2008. When I say researched, I don’t mean a quick trip to Wikipedia. No, I dug up scientific articles, studied past climates, researched into ancient cultures and what their lives (and climates) had been like. I went back in history to Pangea and followed things forward to present day. Everything I found, I backed up with two or three sources. National Geographic and the Smithsonian magazines were good jumping off points. Unfortunately my overworked mind hasn’t fully retained all of it, but I knew it when I wrote the story.

I created Rise of the Arcadian’s setting in 2122, years after the world fell apart, but the world the story encased was built strongly on my hours and hours of research. Each change I made to my future Earth was made on the basis of some fact or some slight twist of fact, but all of it was “this is possible” stuff. I studied topographical maps to guesstimate where water levels might rise, found fault lines to help me shape my world. The Mississippi Sea in the book is very possible if ocean levels rise – which is also very possible if all our ice melts. The cold climate – Earth has cycled through ice ages since its beginning. Its not going to stop simply because we humans are here and want it to. Places in our North American continent, the Sahara desert, were very much different at one time. And we have that oceanic conveyor belt (http://oceanmotion.org/html/background/ocean-conveyor-belt.htm) that could slow down if enough cold fresh water floods into our oceans.

I also researched Earth’s ice ages. (http://www.aip.org/history/climate/cycles.htm) Many have happened. Do we really believe they’ve just stopped because we’re here or that we have the power to control them? It is related to the Earth’s tilt on the axis, the wobble (we are not a perfect spinning top in space) and many other variables. Earth also makes enough of those nasty greenhouse gases we all hear about all on its own. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be more responsible. We absolutely, positively should, as we have just this one world (that we know of) to call home, so we best take care of it.

Nothing irritates me more than to hear some expert claim something of some past time couldn’t be possible because the current conditions wouldn’t support it. They have found whale skeletons in the Sahara. (http://www.physorg.com/news182450123.html) Can’t get much more different from then to now, can we? Things have changed on Earth tremendously and it is still changing. We shouldn’t sit and argue about whether it is happening or not or what is causing it or not. We should simply acknowledge change is imminent. Now, a hundred years from now, who knows, but our Earth won’t always be as it is right now or even as it has been since our recorded history.

So, how does it all relate to global warming and how does global warming possibly relate to the fact we’ve had a record of all 48 connecting US states having snow on the ground for the same day this year? To put it simply: Dump an ice cube in a hot cup of tea. You heat up and melt the ice, but what happens to the tea? It won’t stay hot – will it? Despite the fact the ice was “heated up” the tea gets cold. That is how global warming could lead to so much snow or even an ice age. Climate change.

Whether our glaciers and icebergs are melting at an alarming speed or not, and whether we are causing it or not, is not what I’m disputing. I’m simply saying it can and most likely (due to past cycles) will happen again. Ice ages are natural. Shifting tectonic plates are natural. Disasters are natural, and they are happening (Haiti’s earthquake, the 2004 tsunami, Katrina, the recent snow storms, droughts in the western US, Australia, and that’s just to name a few).

It does no good to fear it but it does equally no good to deny and ignore it. We should be aware of the ride we are along for and prepare ourselves that life does not go on unchanged. We are not masters of our Earth. In fact, I often wonder just how little we really know. For all our experts and great accomplishments, there are so many things we still can’t answer but are quick to dismiss and ignore because we can’t answer them.

The bottom line is, don’t laugh off or dismiss global warming until you really understand it. Maybe it should have been labeled “global climate change.” Then maybe it would have made more sense to those of us who don’t or didn’t fully understand it at first.

I’m not writing this to lecture, or providing the links here as absolute fact. They are just quick things I found to hopefully help people understand things. If you wish to learn more, I suggest searching for the answers in trusted places yourself and be aware of the arguments you will find on things. Build your own conclusions with good knowledge and facts.

We would do good to show modesty and understand, for as advanced as we think we are, there are many more things we simply have not or cannot yet grasp. We as a species tend to believe we are intelligent and know it all, then go in and destroy or warp things to our use with no regards to what we might be destroying in our ignorance. We have but this one world to take care of and leave for the children of the future. Let us be responsible enough to acknowledge there is much we don’t know and tread carefully as our understanding grows. And most of all, let us be aware of what changes are possible so that we may better handle what Earth throws at us as it continues on its cycle of life.

A sick nation...

Sometimes in the deep of night I lay awake staring at the dark ceiling and thoughts of what's happening with society and the world run through my head. It's these times when I often stumble across good tidbits to use in my writing. Last night though, what I stumbled across was a terrifying realization. The largest part of it was stirred by the supposed Health-Care Bill.

My nation, my country of the USA is sick, very sick, and just like when I have to watch my children suffer through an illness, powerless to fix it, I am powerless to fix anything now. This country was once great. I'm still very proud to belong to her, but the foundations are crumbling so badly, the strong pillars she was built on are hardly recognizable.

I ask myself over and over if everyone has lost sight of what's really important and while I see some glimmers of hope, I'm more often served a dose of proof that we have.

One huge dose of truth: Both bills require all Americans to get health coverage or pay a penalty. A PENALTY for not having health insurance? WHAT THE HECK IS THAT! Not right, not right at all and the marrow in my bones twists in agony at the thought of it. It's one more dose of poison to kill just a little more of this great nation.

Oh, some may think it's no big deal. Everyone should have health insurance just like car insurance. Except we can choose to not have a car, how do we choose to not have health or life without ending it? This is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard of. And this might surprise you, but I do have health insurance as does my immediate family. But I know people who don't and they don't because they can barely afford to put food on the table let alone dump money into an insurance they may never collect on or if they try to, the insurance company will weasel out of it and give reasons why they won't pay or will pay just a little bit.

Come on "We the People" wake the hell up, will you! I'm begging you.

Something that might look wonderful, like some undoubtedly think of this health care bill, is never what it first appears. This fine for not having health insurance, what the heck is it for? Think really hard on why they would need that. And what happens to the person who makes just enough to cover food, shelter, and heat when they can't afford either. What kind of prices will be on these new health insurance plans? Who gets to decide what is affordable for a person? People behind a desk most likely who have nice cushy incomes and have no idea what it is to have absolutely nothing. It's my experience, living in poverty much of my life, that government pays little attention to the fact people must live - paying attention only to how much money they can squeeze out of each of us.

It's making me angry. Especially since my daughters are just getting old enough to have to deal with all this crap - crap that no one I know has caused, yet we will suffer the after affects of other's stupidity.

What's next, after they have forced us all to pay out the butt for health insurance or shovel over hundreds in fines and still can't support their deficit? What happens then? How far will things go in the name of fixing things?

Here's an idea - quit trying to make things better and go backwards a bit to fix up the foundation again so we can stand with our heads high.

Yeah, I know, crazy, right. That's why I'm a fiction writer...

Curse of the creative mind

Okay, this must be every writers best and worst dream all in one.

I now have four complete novels written from beginning to end. They are the books of my new Disillusionment series, some I've written about on this blog before. As I read through them again, I can't believe how much I'm being pulled back into the stories and I wrote the darn things. But that's not the problem.

The problem is, book four isn't completed yet because I started it wrong and got hung up so I need to go back and find the true beginning before I can call it finished. Book five is written, edited, good to go. Book six is well on its way with more humor and crazy characters than I've ever had all together under one cover. So what do I do - I go planting more seeds.

I got into a conversation about all that's wrong with the world, pondering fixes and why it won't get fixed and my crazy creative mind took that and did one heck of a crazy S turn--not unlike our scenic Pennsylvania roads that started as cow paths -- and landed in among the thought of something like this "what if Earth is always in misery and at war because we as a species are being prepped for some bigger battle" and there it was. ARGG - the seed for book seven now growing in my head like a bad fertilized weed.

Meanwhile, the character's from book six watch out at me from their sketches hanging on my office wall and laugh (not really, use your imagination here!) at me because I thought they would only star in one book. HA, the bumbling idiots from book six - as I and my middle daughter so affectionately call them - apparently had a whole other story ready for themselves to prove they might not be so bumbling.

The good news is, Daughter of Gods: Book One will be out for November. Yes, this November. It's hitting the presses within the week, I expect. I'll let you know exactly when it's available. Revenge of the Gods is hot on its heels for next spring and Starlight and Judgment for fall of next year (2010). Freedom Wars --- well... Not so much. I'll get it there, the whole thing is worked out in my head, I just can't keep my eyelids open long enough or my stiff fingers to type it all fast enough while taking care of household, sick kids (who shared the bug with me for a few days) and a day job as publisher. Curse of the Gods (book five) is good to go, just needs one last proofread. Then Descended (book six) is well on its way. And apparently there will be a book seven.

The funny thing is, sometimes I ponder the possibility of having no more ideas like I did recently when I wondered what I would do after Descended was written. So, something like this happens as if to laugh in my face.

As I've said often today -- at least I won't get bored in the near future. I just have to work like a frantic idiot to do everything life insists I must do, and everything I want to do (oh, I donno, take care of my kids) and the things my creative mind refuses to not let me do.

There's not enough hours in a day or energy in this body some days. Guess I'll just keep doing what I can as well as I can and that will have to be enough.

The Twisted Things...

I recently stumbled across an article disputing our new president's birth certificate. To quote: "Part of the problem for Mr Obama is that he has not produced his original birth certificate." And I felt absolutely, totally, and completely ill. How does crap like this happen when honest to goodness people like my family have to fight and claw just to get our teen-agers a driver's license? I can guarantee you, when we take our daughter in, they won't want a digitized version of her birth certificate. She also recently couldn't cash a check written out to her at any of three banks she tried because she had no "photo" identification. Yet someone can be elected to lead our country with a digitized representation of his birth certificate?

I work with photo images and in art programs on the computer all the time. I know how easy it is to create something, and while I don't know all the details or what not on the president's birth certificate, it bothers me no less to hear things like this.

Why? I don't know. If anyone has read any of my latest books, I've been writing about the fall of civilizations for a while now. I've studied ancient societies, their rise and falls and have learned that nothing good can stay for long just as nothing bad can. I just hate watching it happen so stupidly, I suppose.

I sit here in my office and am glad for my flamboyant imagination that can whisk me away into another world where my characters have the power to actually do something about the messes they are in...

Money Things

Times are tough all over - who doesn't know that by now? Quite a few states do not have budgets balanced, including my own. I've tried to follow the budget talks but it's a muddled up mess and I'm a person who can understand philosophy talk from Arthur Schopenhauer and the World as Will and Representation. I thought his "will" was difficult until I tried to weed out some useful information about the state budget.

And my fifteen year old who took a summer course studying 1920's history came home and asked me why they are still bothering to call this thing we're in a "repression" when to her, after studying all the signs in class, it seems far too obvious that we are already in a "depression."

The two different words mean nothing to me. I know it's time to make the garden bigger, get the hunters in the family to improve their aim, buy only the bare basics (raw meat and veggies, flour, sugar, salt and eggs) at the grocery store, and cut back on things we don't need to survive. Maybe it's because of how I grew up that my idea of what is "needed" is far different from some others, I don't know. And at the same time, I have to chuckle because "city folk" would probably consider me at the lowest rung on their ladder of life.

Does it matter? Not really. I'll do what I need with the knowledge, stubbornness, and ability to improvise left to me from my grandparents and parents and hopefully teach my kids what the true meaning of "need" really is.

How far down and for how long we go, who knows. Corruption and sloppy handling of funds has states and the entire nation in a tangled mess of impossible debt, and there is no way to fix it in my opinion because there are two types of people. There are those who have never been at the bottom (even if they think they have been) and can't make the sacrifices or see past the false lies of people in power to allow someone who knows how to fix things (because it won't be easy or pretty or comfortable), and there are those who know what it takes to improve things. We'll need to get our hands dirty and stop living with luxuries people - to get out of this mess we are in. We could do it voluntarily the easy way - not pleasant but possible - or we'll be forced kicking and screaming to do it. So as a whole, we'll have to learn things or do things the hard way - kicking and screaming with much suffering.

It stinks, I hate to see it happening when my kids will be forced to suffer it, but common sense does nothing to open people's eyes. They have to be beaten into the mud face first before they'll realize—if they will even then. We've got the "blame game" down to an art, and the removal of personal responsibility perfected.

I've studied ancient cultures for too long now to be surprised. I just wish everyone else would stop being so blind or greedy or whatever you want to call it. And maybe we should all return to doing what's right even when it's not pleasant.

Tired Writer

There come times when kids, work, and my creative mind wear me down to a point where I must just stop for a bit. Unfortunately sometimes when I try to stop, my creative section of mind refuses to cooperate with the "down time."

Well, I refused to touch the memory stick that has all five of my current books in progress stored safely on it. Still, my creative side nagged - nag,nag,nag,nag.

To skip around the long story, the result of my two evenings "off" is here: http://www.tcmcmullen.com/disillusionmentseries/

I fed my creative side by doing something that was basically just a compilation of what was already done (didn't work the brain). The site is far from finished but if any of you get board, there's plenty to keep you reading for a while :) Hope you enjoy.

Growing up old fashioned

I received an email today that seemed right on time. I was talking with a friend of mine (my grandfather's niece) who is a little younger than I am and has a daughter a few years younger than my youngest daughter so we got the two of them to play yesterday. We also got on the topic of how hard it was to raise our kids with people saying so often that we should have them doing all the activities available and things like that.

When my friend called to ask about getting the girls together, I had to holler down to the swing set in the back yard from my garden in the front yard. We were both outside, but my older two were off, one paint balling with her boyfriend and the other up at the college for a summer course she chose to take, so I had only one lonely child. We walked to get there and my friend walked her home.

I'm not a total stickler. We do have an X-box (not a 360) and a Play Station 2. We have a collection of DVDs and got a satellite dish about two years ago. The television wasn't on at all for the past two days except for the hour or so my husband watched it yesterday.

We keep busy with other things. My youngest helps with the dishes, takes care of all her animals and sweeps floors and helps sort and fold laundry. I also have her busy in the kitchen stirring what needs stirred and grabbing ingredients. My girls are not involved in sports or clubs or any summer programs to keep them busy. And they are not bored. I raise them like I was raised, kicking them out to play in the yard if they don't do it themselves, giving them things they must do - be responsible for - so they have a sense of accomplishment. I trust them to make their own decisions with me there keeping an eye on things, but not interfering unless I have to.

Now I hear "school all year round" and "summer school, why don't you have your daughter in it, it's a great program, you really SHOULD do it." And all I can think is "do not take my kids more than you already do!" and whatever happened to parents raising kids? What ever happened to letting a child learn how to occupy themselves? Game systems and televisions can all be unplugged and/or put off limits. But I'm very aware I live in a wonderful place, especially in this day and age. We're stuck in a time warp, changing only marginally from one decade to the next. This became very evident to me the day we had someone here from Harrisburg and they stared as if their eyes would pop out when I told my kids to go play outside. In our yard, the worst thing that might happen is they will get sprayed by a skunk.

So when this arrived in my email box today, it hit just the right note. I still raise my kids like I was raised in the 70s (and 80s but remember the time warp thing here) and everything here applies.

To Those of You Born 1930 - 1979

At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno. If you don't read anything else, please read what he said.
Very well stated, Mr. Leno.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. (Oh YES, so very true. Now we "must" be strapped inside so we can't move more than a few inches and we ride along side motorcyclist who no longer have to wear helmets - someone please explain that one to me!)

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY?

Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. If YOU are one of them? CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. (I HEAR THAT LOUD AND CLEAR!)

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ? (Not really, but it makes me sick to see what our society has become.)

~ The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of swine flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and ignore this.. For the rest of us....pass this on.

Killing Characters

I have to ask myself why my characters seem to run full steam in demanding their stories be written when my life is getting ever busier. I have other things I need to do. Weeds need pulled from gardens and trimmed around trees. I have mulch to spread, meals to cook, and laundry to do but my characters don't care. They muddle my mind until I'm left with no choice but sitting down with my laptop and racing through chapters of scenes. I suppose that should be a good thing considering the book I was stuck on and seriously considered tossing in the trash is the very book I'm over half way through now.

At some point in reading through the books I have written, it occurred to me that I was avoiding writing Revenge of the Gods because of something that has to happen in it. In most of my books, the plot is open for twists and turns but in Revenge of the Gods, two major events have to happen to torture the main characters and put them on the paths that carry them into the books I have already written (book three and five of the series). My daughter convinced me not to ditch Revenge of the Gods saying that what happens in it is needed to make the following books even stronger. She isn't wrong. But I hate writing such painful scenes.

I had to create a character that becomes very important to a main character's personal growth. Without giving too much away, I'll say this: I had to create this character knowing the life would be short and have a very violent end. That is what held me up - I couldn't write a character I didn't like, but I didn't want to kill a character I did like. It's like killing off a dear pet, especially since this character and the story situation grew to bring up painful memories in my own "real" life. I didn't do that on purpose - not consciously at least - but that's how it happened. And for twenty-four hours after I wrote the terrible scene I felt lost and depressed just like my surviving main character. But I managed to wax my car while I tried to recover from the tragedy.

My best friend always told me I was good at getting into people's heads. To put it simply, I can empathize with people I meet and with the characters I create. I like to think that is what helps me make my characters so dynamic and likeable. But—darn—it kills me when I have to kill one of them. In the back of my mind I'm screaming - SAVE HIM - and I could easily do it, but then my main character wouldn't have a reason to dive down a completely different path she chooses because of it and the third book would make no sense.

So, tonight I will return to my laptop to write the final scenes of Revenge of the Gods knowing they'll be very hard and sad and I'm glad I'll be alone so no one will see me bawling. And I'm glad I'll be able to go right into proofreading Starlight and Judgment to pull the character and myself out of misery.

So there's your hint - I promise to try to get the two books out as close to each other as I can to ease the sorrow...

Setting Records

Over the past few weeks, I wrote a 99,000 word novel from beginning to end. That is a record for me. It started with two sentences that popped into my head one day and I had to type them out right away. It went like this:

The moment Tarenek sensed energy in the storm that had nothing at all to do with drumming thunder or slashing lightning, he knew his nightmares weren’t only dreams. No, this energy linked to a soul, the soul he killed every night moments before waking breathless in a sticky sweat.

Actually, the original didn't have Tarenek's name included. It was just a couple sentences about a "he" that I expected to stash away in my hard drive. Then I got bored one night and started drawing. Coralie Angenil (new) and Tarenek Brye Annis (all grown up from the first books of the Disillusionment series) came to life so easily that it was scary, and if I ever get my scanner out from under papers and manage to plug it back in again, I'll post them.

A little background: in Daughter of Gods, the parents, Tryn and Cedrik, are young and just meeting. In the second book, Revenge of the Gods, which includes their children Kira and Tarenek, the consequences of the first book come back to get them quite literally. I've yet to get it beyond page 55. In the third book, Starlight and Judgment, Kira is 23 and struggling to find her way. She manages in part because of 14 year old Tarenek. I wrote it in about 7 months and thought that was good. I enjoyed her character a lot too. In the 4th book, Curse of the Gods, Tarenek is the young age of 392.

That's not a typo. It's also not old for an immortal, is it? The fourth book skips about 150 years of Freedom Wars and a couple hundred years of peace. I started it somewhere at the beginning of May this year and finished the last chapter two days ago, June 3rd. I only wrote during the night, after 9 p.m. and I managed to snag a couple Saturdays.

From those first two sentences, the rest of the story unfolded as easily as thread unrolls from a bobbin. Emotionally wrenching and uplifting all in a few weeks - definitely a record for me and I loved every moment of it. The speed of it was due in part to returning characters (Kira who is 6 years older than her brother, but after 392 years, who's counting?). It was also due in part to my middle daughter having a photographic memory and what she learned in science class this past school year. I knew what Tarenek could do, what internal demons he constantly fought (it made him so very interesting to write), but I didn't know how to make it concrete. I expressed my concern about his abilities one night and she responded with a huff and: "Molecular combustion and molecular dispersion should take care of it all." Surprise! She was right, and all I had to do was ask her for explanations and review a bit of her notes.

When will it be released? Hmmm, well, Among the Ancients and Daughter of Gods come out this year, 2009. I'm hoping to have Revenge of the Gods complete for next year to put before Starlight and Judgment- then they will fall as they may so I hope to see Curse of the Gods in print by 2011. And to think, that used to feel like a long time into the future...ugh.

Till next time,

T.C.