I look back over the last few months and wonder how one person can feel so beaten and exhausted from constant work yet show so little for it. And my husband thinks I don't understand. *sigh*
I've worked and worked on everything from my art and writing to others' books to keeping my publishing company Star Publish LLC running yet very few things have landed on my totally "finished" list for anyone else to see. Still, I know what I've accomplished, the bills that I've managed to keep paid, the house I've managed to keep from becoming a barn, the book I've managed to write a few chapters in, the covers I've designed, painted and finished for myself and for others, the formats I've done, the proofreads, the hours spent helping with homework (don't get me on the homework subject unless you want to read a book in a blog). And it's not even summer yet - ack.
Yet, I come in here and here sits my blog as if I've drifted from the face of Earth to be sucked into the void of space. And I wonder —why can't I do it all? My intentions were to keep up with the blog and to more quickly pursue all the other things on my "want to do" list.
And there sits spring, right on my front door step with the garden work that needs done and a need so thick and pressing sitting in my gut that my back and shoulders already ache just from the very thought of what my mind wants to do with everything. I really must get my acre and a half of yard under control again this year. It's been out of control since we replaced an old trailer with a newer double wide in 2004. Been a while.
So I struggle with the frustration of not knowing if I can do everything I want - I'm not 25 anymore like I was the first time I landscaped this yard and I've sat in a computer chair too long instead of toting kids on my hips like I did back then - add in the frustration of knowing days are still only 24 hours long and I'm still in need of 8 hours of sleep - and well, it's not the most pleasant of things. Of course my only choice is to plod forward, knocking things off my to-do list and my want-to-do list and hoping to fill up my finished-doing list real soon.
Wish me luck. I'll need it :)